Proportions

I have noticed something in my healthful drinking ways. My body is not built to drink gallons of water. OK, yes I do drink a lot of water because it is healthy,flushes my kidneys of toxins, keeps my skin younger looking, blah blah blah BUT there are side effects of all this water.

The biggest one is bathroom runs! They are constant. It borders on ridiculous.  Below is my visual representation of why I am in the bathroom all the freaking time.

Yes you may laugh at my drawing skills :-)

Thank you East(nickname they will hate) for getting me to post this as a blog!

How times have changed - or have they? Part 1

Hubby had this book, Handbook for Husbands (and Wives) NEW REVISED EDITION - A complete guide for sexual adjustment in marriage.

Copyright 1949 - no that is not a typo.

Lord knows where he got it but some of the information in there made me roll with laughter. You know I had to read it since we have been married 2.5 years now and I hadn't read it yet. 1949...wow. Poor Google spell check couldn't even figure out some of these words!!

Here are some excerpts from the book and of course my comments. Enjoy.

We will start with the end of the book first - The Glossary

Clitoridectomy - removal of the clitoris. WHY WHY WHY would you do this?

Coitus interruptus - the act of withdrawing the phallos from the vagina before the orgasm occurs to prevent pregnancy.

Coitus reservatus - the act of inserting the phallos into the vagina but refraining from performing the copulatory movements to prevent an orgasm. Seems like a letdown.

Cunnilingus - the application of the mouth or tongue to the vulva. This is not considered a perversion by modern medical authorities when performed as a pre-coital gesture, only when it takes the place of normal coitus. THANK GOD I am not a pervert! HA.

Fairy - nickname for a male homosexual.

Fellatio - the act on taking the penis into the mouth. This is not considered a perversion by modern medical authorities when indulged in as a pre-coital gesture, only when it replaces the normal sex act.

PRE-COITAL GUYS - not entire act!!!

Pessary - an instrument placed in the vagina to support the uterus or rectum. Also a medicated vaginal suppository used to prevent conception by closing the mouth of the uterus.

Pornography - the literature or bibliography of prostitution. Obscene writing or photography.

Smegma - the secretions found under the prepuce (fold covering clitoris) and around the labia minora and clitoris, creating an unpleasant odor when not washed away. I learned something on this one!

Sodomy - intercourse between males by the anus. Most state penal codes also consider intercourse between a man and a woman via the anus as sodomy, even if the couple is married. I wonder if those "PENAL" codes have changed in the last 60 years or there is a lot of illegal activity going on between married couples these days...

Tribade - a woman with a long clitoris who practices tribadism as a means of sexual gratification.

Tribadism - mutual friction of the genitals and especially the clitoris between women as a means of achieving a sexual orgasm.

Vaginismus - contraction of the vaginal opening which prevents intercourse.

Venus Observa - the normal face to face position in intercourse. Here I thought that was called missionary position.

Zoophilism - sexual pleasure experienced in the fondling of animals. What?!?!?!? I can't pet my cats any more.

Now that we have the terminology down, we can get into the meat of the book. I have a feeling this blog post is going to need to be broken down into multiple parts.

Table of Contents - Even this mundane section of the book is interesting.

Sex Education After Marriage - Sex ignorance is a major cause of divorce. The high rate of divorce and sex crimes attributed to a prudish attitude. I thought money and infidelity was...

The Male Sex Organs - Size of penis(since the beginning of time men have had this fascination!!!), parts of penis, pubic hair arrangements(is this part it on the left, right, or down the middle???), cause of erections, pre-coital secretion.

The Female Sex Organs - Vulvar cleft pubic hair arrangements(what is the fascination? No wonder everyone shaves these days), clitoris-erection, points torn by intercourse(I would hope this is a onetime event), position to view interior of canal(I do NOT want to see up in there, Thank you very much), position for husband to locate muscles, douching dangers, orifices(REALLY?!!?!?!?), relation between breast size and woman's sexual capacity(THAT is why my breasts are so big and keep growing!), factors determining a woman's libido.

True Sexual Responsibility - sex single biggest factor in success of marriage, causes of sexual failure in marriage, common mistaken attitude regarding coitus, sex must be studied(some topics are never tired of being studied), time required, conditions required to perform coitus satisfactorily, frequency of intercourse(oh this should be interesting).

Causes of Sexual Failure in Husbands - impotency, masturbation, venereal disease(yes that could cause problems bringing that home), small penis, exercise to lengthen penis(it won't work), mother fixation(ewwwwwww).

Frigidity in Wives - cause of girls masturbating, frigidity induced by mothers, premarital petting(holy buckets I can hardly wait to see what they say about this).

Overcoming Difficulties - premature ejaculation, resistant hymen, tension, too quick orgasms, fear of pregnancy.

Bust Development with Hormone Creams - creams unsafe, why hormones won't increase size of most breasts, shape more important than size, disadvantages of large breasts, suggestions for women with small busts(no wonder implants are so popular).

Primarily for Husbands - desire in women compared to desire in female animals(I seriously want to kill the author for even putting this in the book- animals!!!), why there are no frigid females in the animal kingdom, why husbands fail to satisfy their wives, wives who don't care to climax(haven't met one of these type of women yet), husbands who work in the dark.

Primarily for Wives - woman's lower libido, tantalizing the husband after marriage, over-doing intimate exposure, best means for a wife to maintain her sexual appeal, sex-sloppy wives, selection of the under-clothing, natural female functions of interest to the husband.(This whole chapter looks like a FUCK YOU author chapter. I can bet you $ I will have some things to say about this.)

Pre-coital stimulation - husband's primary duty, necessity for wife to rid herself of inhibitions, the art of kissing, stimulating the clitoris, determining if lubrication of vulva is sufficient(will it go in easy and slide easy - sufficient).

Preparations for coitus - establishing a flexible plan, love-play for virgin wives, love-play for resourceful wife and timid husband, playing 20 sexual questions, pet names.

Positions for intercourse - reasons for various positions, accommodating mis-matched organs, position to view the phallos being inserted into the vagina, seated positions, aligning the sexual organs, air in the vagina(hate when that happens!), the ideal sexual union(I can only imagine what this dude will come up with).

Coital movements - keeping informed of the wife's progress(is there a plug in meter?), assisting the wife who has failed to climax, penis captivus(a problem????).

Special pre-coital stimulation - sexual black magic the timid brides dilemma, anal-intercourse, perfuming of the vulva(EEEK), vaginal urination(today I believe this is called squirting).

General Sexual Information - the orgasms, length of coitus(I am sure Mr. Davis will give exact times), genitalia hygiene for husbands and wives.

Part 2 will delve into the book itself. Please come back for that fun!!!