Saturday, December 3, 2011

Bars/Pubs/Taverns and drinking

Take into account the 80/20 rule with the following statement. More negative will enter your OR a loved ones life than positive if you frequent bars and partake of liquor while there.

I posted the above to FaceBook and only one person was brave enough to comment on this. I find that in and of itself interesting.  Did no one want to offend me? Is the comment so out in left field that it didn't warrant a response?  Or did it make people think about hard issues that they just can't deal with?

First I want to say I am not against people going to bars. It is just that a lot of bad things happen in bars or as a direct result of going to a bar.  I'll try to address some various thoughts that are in my brain on this topic.

It is very convenient to stop in a bar to meet someone for a quick meeting, an after work drink, or to meet friends. It is a public place yet can be private if it is somewhere you never go. It is considered a "safe" place to meet a complete stranger and that is where the more negative things come into play...infidelity, rape, gambling, you get the idea.

After my divorce, I was introduced to an entirely new world.  One of the things was meeting hard core alcoholics. During my marriage, I had kept myself isolated from a lot of  those situations. A lot of the daily hard core drinkers drink at home but many of these types also have frequent hang outs (bars).  They use booze to help them forget all the bad stuff in their lives.  They either do not have someone close to them that cares or they won't let people close to them help. They are in a relationship with their booze. By going to the pub, they feel part of a group. That is ok to drink and "belong" when they feel they don't have that in any other part of their lives.  This is SO sad to me. Even sadder is they don't think they have a problem or even with to be helped and in the process severely hurt their children, spouse or others in their lives.

B-A-D.  Now you would think after 30 years of MADD and all the other groups out there people would learn. Not so much. Even the stiff drinking and driving penalties do not stop these people from doing it. Drinking and driving goes from the person who just stopped in for one after work to the hard core people I spoke of in my depression paragraph. Most of them NEVER get stopped. I am amazed at one particular person I know who drinks multiple times a week and then drives home, sometimes extremely drunk and has never been pulled over. This has gone on for over 20 years!!!! I would think their luck would run out sometime. This particular topic of drinking and driving affected me personally. Myself and my family were the victims of a drunk driver. This guy did not have a license, borrowed a friends car and took off down the road hitting me at a high rate of speed from behind totaling my car. Luckilly no one in my vehicle was seriously hurt and there were 7 of us in there at the time. I have no idea how that happened as 3 kids could have very easily been killed.  The police ended up finding this guy hiding out behind a K-Mart pretending nothing had happened. On the other side of the same coin, I have been guilty of riding with a drunk driver. I somehow thought it was ok. WRONG!  This is why I want to stress I am not better than the next guy. I don't like some of the decisions I have made in my life but life does go on as long as we learn from them.

I believe there are a lot of hidden agendas when you go to a bar. This maybe one of the reasons I do not like to go.  It is so easy to hide the real you especially if you do not know the other people in the bar. You can do, say, or be anyone you want to be that night. Of course you may fail to think that through properly. If you are not being straight forward, do you think the other people there are being straight forward and honest? How many women are looking to meet their Mr. Right in the bar of choice that week? How many men are looking to just get laid?  Yes, I'll be your Mr. Right for tonight until I get my candle wet (sex) and the women are left wondering why doesn't he call the next day?  This happens in reverse to but I just chose one example.  There are just to many hidden agendas for a meaningful relationship to happen with a one-night stand in a bar.

Confidence Building
Many folks feel shy and worthless and not confident enough without liquor. They feel a shot or two loosens them up and makes them seem more approachable or loosens their tongues so that they can approach others more easily. In theory that may seem logical, but it feeds back to the agenda paragraph. You need to build meaniful relationships with people sober NOT drunk.

Not hurting anyone
I have also heard this excuse multiple times. "Well I am not hurting anyone by stopping in for a drink." Yes, it is your life and you can do with it what you want but don't fool yourself into thinking you aren't hurting anyone. Anyone that remotely cares about you will be hurt by you stopping in for a drink.  Good friends, regular friends, spouses, and boyfriends have hurt me by this. I am sure they don't even see that as a problem just like they don't see the drinking itself as a problem. Remember you have the ability to hurt the most, those closest to you. (Stepping off my soap box.)
Good versus evil
If you take some time and look inside and listen to yourself, you will find and know where good and evil reside. There seems to be certain places good and evil gather.  For me I find good, positive, God-filled energy in nature.  Take a walk through the woods or a park and open your mind. You will feel much more positive after this experience.  Now walk into a dark, dreary, smoke ladened tavern and sit for a while. Do not having one bit of liquior to drink and see how you begin to feel.  I have actually came out of taverns feeling freaked out but not knowing exactly why I was feeling this way. I believe it goes back to where good and evil gather.  Think about this, how many people pray (serious prayers - not Please Lord let me get laid) or have devotions in a bar? Not a lot. 

In summary, I did try to find some positives to put in this blog but was unable to come up with anything more than written above. I could work on this blog and continue to add and change it for months. It is that important to me but will it change anything? Unfortunately not. I'm sure only 2-3 people will even read the thing and they do not frequent bars either!!! If nothing else maybe my kids can quote it in a future term paper. I do believe with my whole heart everything I have written.

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