Thursday, January 10, 2013

Body Buttons and Guages

I hadn't thought about this much until reaching middle age when things start to wear out/go on the fritz. Our bodies can be an analogy to a car or other piece of machinery.

When we are young, we are like a shiny new car. We look good, we run great, and any dents in muscles or broken bones we have heal quickly and efficiently. We are also naive enough to think things will never change.

Then one day it does. It actually gradually happens over 10 years or so but you wake up one day and think....HOW did THIS happen?

I think I am at about 150,000 miles right now. I have some failings in various systems. First off my engine does not metabolize it's fuel as efficiently as it once did. The engine/stomach still demands the same amount of food, but since the car only tops out at 80mph instead of 150 mph the extra fuel turns directly into stomach or @ss fat. This does not look good on this older model car.

Next are the exhaust systems. This is very prone to failure in my model. It backfires something fierce and the bladder gauge never tells me the truth. One second it will be flashing red alert, get to the bathroom now or I will release here in the kitchen. Yet when you rush to the bathroom and complete the release cycle you find out it was only 1/4 full! Other times you go for hours and wonder how the bladder could handle all the backup.

Then there are the temperature gauges. These things are super sensitive in my model which has both a hot and a cold gauge. The hot gauge will not tolerate temperatures over 80 degrees. It is very prone to overheating even with proper hydration. Heat exhaustion has occurred frequently. The cold gauge is not any better. At approximately 8pm the model shuts down all heat stores and goes into freeze mode. Hands, feet, nose and especially @ss turn into ice. Core body temperature drops 2 degrees. Flannel pj's are must year round. Then 3am hits. The emergency generator kicks in and warms up the core temperature 5 degrees causing excessive sweating from the inside out. Flailing of covers and removal of all clothing occurs within seconds. Sometimes I think both gauges are on at the same time!!! This scenario is followed by sleepiness the following morning.

This article is limited to buttons and gauges but you must remember to care for with extra care the tires and body of these middle aged cars. Weekend warriors are especially susceptible to damaging the body of various models.  Healing of twice the time is likely. Same is true for filter abilities of the liver with copious amounts of alcohol consumed on weekends.  You get about 100,000 miles of wild drinking filtering ability before that organ begins its decent into what is affectionately known as "pickling" of the liver.

I hope to make it to at least 500,000 miles. I will keep making the needed repairs and hope for the best.

Have a great day!

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